I can't believe I was actually deliberating so much on Saturday night whether or not I should attend AFA 11. Given that there weren't any stage activities that interested me, and that most of the merchandise/stuff on show should be from those anime in the recent seasons, I wasn't actually too keen on going. I'm glad that I did go though, because there were still a lot of stuffs from the old staples (K-On!, Code Geass, FFVII, etc.) that I could recognise, and I surprised myself by purchasing my first figurines! (Mugi and Ritsu figmas). Heh. Am so excited to fix them up!

The Nico Nico Douga booth was cool too, and Linus sure had a good opportunity to network + interact with guests/VIPs. It is a really interesting concept, though some parts were real boring and all the cosplayers tend to just blur together.

I guess the real point of this post is about Culture Japan Night, an event/meet-up that Danny Choo organised for fans of Japanese pop culture. It was held at the AKB48 cafe which I visited for the first time. Being a rather casual fan, I did not expect much and just wanted to go there, look at figurines, see people play Weiss Schwarz, talk a bit with others, etc. Naturally, I expected Linus to do more of the talking/leading and I'd just tag along and see what it's all about.

Of course that happened, and we met a lot of cool/interesting people. There were so many talented/passionate people and I did feel quite sian at times due to 1) my lack of any area of specialisation/expertise (photography, design, etc.) and 2) my severe lack of knowledge regarding J-pop culture. Both were expected I guess, but I did still feel rather out of place more than I would've liked.

The entire experience didn't really do anything for my J-pop culture quotient (except to strengthen my resolve to catch up on all those anime), but it did make me think about what I want from life, my passion, etc. (the usual). There were so many people that who were passionate about something, knew what they wanted, were taking visible steps towards getting what they want, and so on. Other than Linus who's making headway in getting all infused with Jap culture as well as in graphic design (good luck, btw), there's this guy who's doing a travel blog splashed with anime stuff, this guy (who was actually hired by Google to do some programming on the Android OS! The OS!) who's restarting his figurines blog, etc. It was rather inspiring and humbling.

Towards the end of the session, Danny Choo gave a speech to all present. He talked about risk, about how taking big risks will give you more rewards, which will enable you to get what you want in a quicker time. I have no doubt about that, but what if you do not know what you want? (See? I'm back to my age-old quandry. Forever seeking my one true passion. Tsk.) He then talked about how you should share what you have done, get it online, show it to people, you know? Actually getting off your ass and do something about it, and from then on, opportunities will come, contacts will appear, and things will start happening. This was more or less how he started out and how he became the current celebrity blogger/icon of Japanese pop culture that he is.

Clearly, I need to start thinking hard about what I want from life, and what I am going to achieve, because if I don't change my plans soon, I won't be able to change them for the next 10 years or so (unless I break my bond). The problem(s), as usual, is that there are so many things that seem really interesting! Games, music, japanese culture, etc. And so many things that I'm quite sure I can be good at if I do spend time practicing/improving, like playing instruments, programming, writing (perhaps not your epics of Tolstoy proportions but certainly something decent enough?), etc. Therefore, the choices are limitless, the potential unrestrained.

Be a game programmer? Do game design? Improve on my music skills to play in a band? Go relearn Japanese? Try to get into a Japanese University? Do a geek blog? Ehh these are the more nerdy/geeky pursuits, and still do not include other options like be an OBS instructor, do some extreme sport(s), be a mountain-climber, etc. A career in Engineering suddenly does not seem that interesting/exciting anymore (but I think that I'll still like it), but to abandon that I have to have something strong, the kind of passion that can drill through the heavens and kick reason to the curb. Each and any of these might just turn out to be the One, but right now, none of these count more than mild/decent interest.

Of course, not doing anything won't get me closer to finding the One, but how am I supposed to choose? Dabbling in each for a certain period of time and gauging my interest thereafter may prove useful/fruitful, and I may certainly try that sometime. But still, it's hard to see myself gaining such a strong passion in less than a year's time for me to reject my scholarship and pursue some other goal instead. In this case, I truly envy those that have found the One, and are actively working hard towards the fulfillment of that.

In any case, there's no time like the present, and now's a really good time to start getting into some of these, and see how it goes from there.

Sidenote: Doubtlessly, what I've mentioned above makes the assumption that I will be playing Ultimate Frisbee till my body is unable to perform at high levels. It is without a doubt something that I will work very hard for, and will constantly train for.

**Goodbye Letter From Boy to Girl**
Dear Girlfriend,

Sometimes we come into a persons life not to make them love us, but to make them feel that they're so much worth loving for. And trust me you are worth loving, you’re worth caring for and adoring because you’re simply beautiful. Some romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They’re shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they’re gone. They aren’t meant to last. Even though at that moment they feel so right.

I know you might feel that, “If I lose this person, I will never be able to love again.” This is never true, ever. Love is so powerful, so intense, it always finds a way to be reborn. And I know its hard to believe and you’ll beg to differ but the hardest part about loving you was understanding that I didn't make you as happy as you made me. And that because I loved you so much I had to let you go so you could find that person that truly makes you happy.

Yeah thats the part that hurts the most. But its true. Love isn’t living in constant anxiety or worry. Love is physically being there with someone, taking their pain away, giving them your smile. People who say long distance relationships can survive are idiots. Yes, they do for a while but after that things change. Only very rarely is it seen that a long distance relationship turns into something permanent. And falling in love with someone you’ve never met isn’t viable either, I think it’s the most frustrating thing that can happen to a person. It’s like two people taking their clothes off and not doing a single thing. A very bad example but that’s what popped into my head.

It's not you, I'm weird with relationships. I think I know what I want, and then I run. I think I run because I'm scared; I'm scared that I might get hurt. Or maybe I just haven't found someone who I know is worth being hurt for. But you're an amazing girl. Any guy would be lucky to have you. I just don't know if you're what I really want, I don't know if I want you just because I’m lonely, and if that's the case then it's completely unfair to you.

I need to get my life together. I think it's about time for that. I can't keep living from day to day. I need to find out what it is that I want, and right now a relationship just isn't it. Don’t be heartbroken, and trust me you’ll forget about this in time, I`ve been there, it gets better. That pain in the pit of your stomach, that pain in your heart, it goes away. That voice in your head saying there`s no way out. It's wrong, believe me, it gets better. I figured out lately that life is too short for playing games, for fooling around with someones feelings and not only short, its unpredictable, you don’t know whats going to happen the next moment so live this one to the fullest, make the best of it, don’t be in an unsure state over things and waste time crying over somebody when you could use that minute laughing with someone else.

I know you say I’ve been distant but always put yourself in the other person's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too. And trust me right now I’m hurting, not because of you, but because of the situation I’m in and also because of you, I was lying before. You hurt me, I know you think its all my fault but its never just one persons fault, we both made mistakes, they piled up and in the end became a load of bullshit, a mess that cant be dealt with. Love, is just exposing your vulnerabilities to someone, giving them the power to hurt you but trusting them not to do it, we both kind of exploited that. Hurt each other in different ways, intentionally or unintentionally. But you should always remember that there is a purpose for these things to be happening to us.

Maybe it was preparing us for the person who will come into our lives next. Maybe they are the one for us or maybe they aren’t. Maybe you have to still go through another 10 guys to get to him, but get to him you will and when you do, that will be love. Then you will look back on today and this letter and think, “He was right, we weren’t in love, we were just two people trying to be together.” Always remember that love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, and to those who still love even though they've been hurt before and getting hurt is inevitable. You have to get hurt. That’s how you learn.

The strongest people out there, the ones who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the toughest battles. Because they’ve decided that they’re not going to let anything hold them down, they’re showing the world who's the boss. And I’m quoting Nicholas Sparks right now because this is as true as it gets - A guy out there was meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, your soul mate, the one you can tell your dreams to. He’ll brush the hair out of your eyes. Send you flowers when you least expect it. He’ll stare at you during the movies, even though he paid $8 to see it. He’ll call to say goodnight or just cause he is missing you. He’ll look in your eyes and tell you, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world, and for the first time in your life, you’ll believe it.

I’m not that guy, I’m just someone who helped you on the journey to him, each time you remember me and remember what we had, before breaking down and crying, also remember, what we had is over..For a reason and you’re one step closer, to him. I would like to think I never did those things, or never said that to you. But the truth is, I did and that's apart of me. I make mistakes, and I know who I am because of them. I lost you because of it, but to lose you meant to gain myself. I'm movin' on. At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me. And I know there are no guarantees, but I'm not alone.

There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by. And I have made up my mind that those days are gone. I’m going to find myself. And find that girl who will make me want to commit, make me want to laugh always and smile and make me feel alive. But right now, I don’t feel there’s anyone out there for me, It’s me, myself and I. I plan to enjoy the solitude, to go on long walks, to fix my life, to get it back together and to cherish our memories, for now. The love you have given me is immense and I’m glad I met you. But now I know that we aren’t meant to be together. I wish the best for you. Thank you, for being there, for being my best friend. Thank you for loving me.
Yours,
Boyfriend.


Reblogged from Ying Siu's blog. (kinda ironic lol) (I added the paragraphing. No one else should have to go through the pain of reading the walloftext that I just did) Makes a lot of sense, really, and resonates a lot with what I've felt/am feeling. Doesn't make things any better, and doesn't mean I should have done what I did, but I guess it doesn't hurt to have it out either way.

So ends another MAF. PvsP was in the morning, and it was really fun, as expected. Really, the feeling of our batch playing together as a team again... well, it was great to be able to relive those awesome memories. And our understanding/chemistry of each other is really quite up there, even after so much time has passed. We really know what each other is capable of, and what each of us is most likely to do next. It was really very fun and the teamwork that we showed was really very impressive considering we haven't played with each other for very long.

Sadly, we couldn't hold onto our crown and lost to the J5s 3-4 in the finals. (Pulling a Scythe.SG by actually beating the J5s in a previous round, but losing to them eventually, when it mattered more) (Apparently I had another awesome sprint but didn't catch the disc, dammit!) There was a lesson about controlling emotions, losing gracefully and congratulating your opponents to be learnt there, and I'm glad for it. Moments after the last point, I was really sad, angry, disappointed, but to be honest, I really do not begrudge them their win, and they really fought very hard for it. While our team may arguably be better, I guess we didn't capitalise on some of the advantages that we had over them. It might also be Jiawei and Daryl's last time playing at PvsP for some time, and it was really awesome to see their batch celebrating together, the founders of HCult . :D


502nd Leap Year! :D (minus Yu Zheng and Yang Xuan D: )



1st and 2nd HCult! :D



Various batches of HCult, all gathered together for PvsP! :D

MAF itself was great and awesome, as usual. The milling around Central Plaza, enjoying being back in school, spotting various people and just chatting with them. It may seem like a hi-bye kind of thing, and while continued interaction may not happen after MAF, I think it's still important to remind each other that we once played an important role in each other's lives, and that we are here today thanks partly to the other party too.

When I chatted with jonathan_lee online, it felt slightly awkward, but when I chatted with him in school, it was all cool and kinda fun to catch up too! This might pave the way for more online talks/chats after he moves to London. Same thing with Jeremy (Ang), like I might have felt awkward if I suddenly talked to him on msn/fb, but in school it was totally normal/natural and I gained some insights about the UK vs US education system. (Yes I might have gleaned it from online research, but it's still cool to get a first hand account)

The rest were all staples of MAF. The fireball light-up, the insane crowds in the central plaza and wings, the songs, dances and cheers. Singing the songs really brought back memories, and I reflected once again on how different the songs mean/feel when one is a student and when one is an alumnus. This year I sang the songs with a bunch I believe I have never sang with before: the HCult peeps! (: And despite being stood up by someone (again! D:) for the dance, I finally danced the mass dance for the first time since Orientation (I think). Didn't participate in the cheers since it seems kinda lame when you're so old already, plus my voice/throat was halfway to the grave by that point.

Oh, the OAC balloons were somewhat disappointing though, with the cool and unique balloons of yesteryears replaced by vanilla balloons with blinking lights. Still, I did buy a balloon which was at least decently nice, and I hope she likes it. :D 武林大会 was prematurely cut-short by overenthusaistic school-ground managers/security guards. So it kinda sucked, like everything was rushed and we had to rush through the pictures too.

I do understand that they want to close the premises or something, but MAF is MAF! It's a once-a-year thing, couldn't the school management be more understanding in that respect? It wouldn't be exaggerating to say that many alumni only go back to the school once a year, and that's during MAF, so why should they begrudge them of what little time we have in the school and chase all of us out? (with devices that made super loud siren-like noises, no less, as if we were rioters out to destroy the school) Oh and the "no slippers, no entry" thing was ridiculous too. I hope the school management/administration receive enough feedback from the alumni to make them seriously rethink the way they are treating us, and I hope we feel more welcomed next year.

Oh wells. In any case, MAF was still MAF, and I shall end off with the exact same cliche line that I ended last year's MAF post with (I suspect this may develop into a personal tradition).

08S6N. HCGC. Whoa! <34. HCult. OG43. Hwa Chong! :D

Thursday was friendly against NUS Ultimate. Lost 11-7/8 and 7-something. Should have, and could have won it, but oh wells. The really sucky thing was injuring my left knee in the process. Felt like a twist/sprain when I jumped off on my left leg, like it was at a weird angle. Luckily the doctor said it wasn't anything serious (not meniscus or ligament) and rest would suffice. Up till now, I have not fully appreciated the merits of knee guards and similar peripherals, but having bought a cheap $11 elastic knee guard and wearing it, I'm really very thankful for modern medicine/sports science. Somehow, it really does provide a lot of support to the knee and the pain is much reduced. Yay to knee guards! 


In other news, BGM came and went! It was quite decent/good I guess (despite gyraforce's misgivings and doubts), and definitely tons better than the previous BGM. There was some messiness in terms of proceedings, but in the grand (not that grand, but still) scheme of things, the whole thing proceeded rather smoothly. Think the montage was rather well-received too (thanks so much to Charlton!) Think I did a decent job as emcee as well. It wasn't very spirited/charming/captivating, but I guess the main functions/purposes were met, so..


The after-BGM 4 hours of gaming was a bit of mess for me though. Endless juggling of various social circles and kinda failing completely and interacting only very superficially with all of them. 08S6N, 2nd HCult Batch, Whoa <34 and 17th YEC. (random thought. 08S6N: classmates, 2nd HCult: teammates. Whoa <34: batchmates. YEC: committemates? lol) It was kinda nice to see some of my classmates and batchmates that I haven't seen for quite some time though. (:


Dinner was with batchmates at Everything with Fries. Awesome burgers, tasty fries, and freaking-orgasmic-i-just-had-sex nutella tart w/ vanilla ice cream. Definitely worth revisitng (again), though getting all the above costs about $16. D: Went to Trattoria with Zhenrui, Shi Huan and William to catch Liverpool vs Arsenal, and hohoho first away win at Arsenal for 11 years. :D The game wasn't very entertaining though, and Liverpool possibly might not have won if Frimpong didn't get sent off, but a win is a win. (:



In any case, hope that our YEC will grow to a more bonded team and here's to future successful events! :D

Ok the entire post was supposed to be posted on 11/08/2011:

Yay IPPT Gold. I know I should just shut up and keep it at that, and not whine that I was 7 seconds short of Commando Gold, but being the ambitious overachiever that I am, I can't, so there you are. In case any of you are curious (ok actually I just want to record this for posterity's sake), my results were 42, 250cm, 12, 9.2, 9:21. Personal best for pull-ups! Hohoho. I think it's a slight improvement from my previous IPPT (taken Apr 2010 when I was still a Recruit in BMT), trading 4 seconds of 2.4 km run for 3 pull-ups. Heh.

In the afternoon was tea session with President/CEO of ST Engineering, together with other big shots from the organisation, as well as all the scholars from previous batches who could make it! The setting was kinda intimidating at first, with everyone seated at this rather huge conference table in a boardroom. But thankfully the CEO was friendly, and so was everyone else, actually. So, among other things like the importance of having overseas exposure while young (due to reluctance to move once married/with family), three life tips that he gave were:

1. Never burn your bridges.
2. Be humble.
3. Have EQ. Relate to other people. Learn to compromise.

Ok actually 3. covers everything, but I guess 1. and 2. are like specific points, and good to remember, actually.

Afterwards, mingled a lot with the other scholars. Obviously it's not surprising that they studied/are studying/will study in many different Unis around the world, only one wasn't studying in Singapore/UK/US (some Aeronautical School in China), and there was quite a strong UK preference I think. Tried to ask around to find out how they decided on their specialisations, but didn't receive any helpful tips/advice on that. Seems like I'll have to strongly favour Universities that offer common engineering or have the flexibility to allow switching of majors in the first or second year (ie not Imperial D: ). 

So, yes, time to really start doing those applications. Siiggghh.. but guess the effort would be worth it eventually! (:

Disappointing just sums it up I guess. Saying that we "did well" really doesn't do justice to our team's standards, because we can really perform so much better. It's not that we didn't try our best or put in enough effort either, because I'm very sure that each and every one of us really tried our hardest and gave our all in every single point that we played. But is it that our best isn't good enough? That is a possiblity, because being confident/optimistic as I usually am, I may tend to overestimate ourselves and underestimate the other teams. However, looking at YK, DK2 and Free Wheelies play, I really dont' think we're that far behind them. So what is the problem?

Well, hell if I know. What I do know is that at one point in time, I felt so disappointed (in myself and the team) that I ... well, let's just say I haven't cried so much publicly since... a really long time (probably before I entered Hwa Chong). Huge thanks to the person who comforted me and pulled me up from wallowing in my pool of self-despair. (and Linc, I'm really sorry for what happened and I know it must suck to see me like that, and I must say it was a great huck and I'm really sorry for not converting) 

Many of us have posted lengthily and illuminatingly on what has happened, what to look forward to in the future many many times, over the course of many competitions/games/trainings. So, I don't know, just randomly went to look through the previous posts on this blog that were tagged as "frisbee" or "ultimate", and was reminded of the great/beautiful things in Ultimate, and why I continue to spend so much time and effort on this sport/pursuit/passion. I guess I had slightly lost sight of what makes Ultimate so special, and I'm glad that I'm kinda reminded of them once again.

The fantastic hucks, the awesome skys, the incredible layouts, the serenely captivating view of a disc floating through the air, spinning along on a graceful arc to its destination. And. obviously, most importantly, the teammates that I play with. Really, it's hard to succinctly (or not succinctly, for that matter) articulate the various emotions associated with my teammates, and  you can accuse me of being lazy, but I don't really feel like doing it at 2+ am (wtf am I doing seriously, i have to wake up for work in about 3 hours' time!). So, yes, teammates are the most important. I do admit that at times, I do focus quite a bit on my own training/development, but on the field, nothing matters nearly as much as playing with your teammates as a team. Ok now I'm just spouting corny and cheesy stuffs wth (doesnt make it any less true, btw). 

So, to everyone in Eat Disc, thank you all for playing with me this summer, it has been a great pleasure. Thank you all for tolerating my stupid mistakes and utterly terrible throws. Thank you all for encouraging/comforting me when I'm down, and for not getting angry/irritated when I rage. Sorry for not improving as much/fast as I should be, and really, kudos to all those who have improved so much and contributed so significantly to the team. I hope you all enjoyed it and had as much fun playing with me as I had with all of you. 

Of course we're going to train hard, etc. etc., but most importantly, let's continue to show each other why this sport, this sport called Ultimate, is so special to each and everyone of us; why we can shed sweat, blood and tears, and think nothing of it; and why we love this so, so much. EAT DISC!

So ends another day of intense matches. Won 2 and lost 2, a pretty decent showing from Eat Disc, marred mainly only by our loss to RJ Team A (losing to a JC team, wth? D: ). It was really fun too, and I think our team really took away quite a bit from yesterday, it being a day of more positive learning than negative raging.

Team Highlights: 
- Beating 2 teams which are supposedly better than us (ok they didn't have their full A line and SMU were rather tired, but still...)
- Decent showing against Patapon until the second half
- One absolutely beautiful play in which we totally raped Patapon's zone D. Heh that play was really smooth and brilliant. One sweet pass after another.

Personal Highlights:
- 2 nice scores against Patapon (1 layout score yay! and another one where I supposedly sprinted damn fast to score. I say "supposedly" because I didn't really think it was THAT fast but everyone else was like O.O !!!WOOOTSS!!! lol so uhh maybe it was fast?) Oh and Kar Jun was marking me for the first score so yay.

Whew. What a game. Even though there are many reviews/articles about this great indie game by Christine Love (maker of Digital: A Love Story, another great and awesome indie game everyone should try, but I'll not elaborate and let your googling explain to you), I still feel obliged, as a player who enjoyed it extremely, to post something about it.

( Review under the cut )

Ok so ends my 10+ years of journey in the Classical music realm. Ok I wouldn't really say "end", seeing as I still hope to pick up interesting and nice classical pieces in the future (Bach's 2 and 3 part inventions rank high on the list now. Some are quite simple and are really fun to play). But formal lessons in this area have ended so it might not be far off the mark to say that my development in this area will more or less stagnate.

A pity that I couldn't end it on a sweeter note though. I really did try to motivate myself to practice harder, to give that extra bit of effort for my Grade 8 examinations, but I'm somewhat sad to say that the examination was indubitably the worst piano examination I have had. The main culprit, of course, was the severe lack of practice, and of course I'd have no excuses to offer in this area, except that I'm generally a lazy/procrastinating layabout and that I had very very little intrinsic motivation for that examination. (This exemplifies my procrastination perfectly. I stopped writing at this point and just came back to it a week later ><")

At least now, after considerable rest and relaxation, I can concentrate once again on the things that I do want to accomplish. Seeing as I did not have a New Year Resolution post (another victim of my imba laziness), I shall take the opportunity to write down some goals.